Dating would be so much simpler if everyone was open about what they really want. You would never apply for a job without knowing up front if it's full-time with benefits or just a freelance gig on the side — so why should you approach dating any differently?
Today, I experimented with asking guys on Tinder if they want relationships or casual sex. I hoped it would help me avoid wasting time talking to people who didn't share Reply to looking for casual encounters goals.
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So lookinf of the stress and Reply to looking for casual encounters that can come along with dating could be avoided if we were all honest with each other from the beginning.
Right now, I'm looking for something serious-ish. Cuffing season is almost here, and besides, I need someone strong to help me move an extremely heavy dining room table from one side of my apartment to the other.
And while bantering back and forth can be fun, I don't want to invest lots of time in a dude who's only looking for a quick hookup. I asked a dozen Tinder matches what they were really looking for. Some gave me honest answers right away, while others were pretty taken aback by my question. And honestly, that makes sense — it's a funny thing Reply to looking for casual encounters ask someone right off the bat.
Usually, it takes me about two months of hanging out IRL to work up the courage to bring up the conversation. But this experiment wound up working well for me, so I might start broaching the subject sooner.
Shawn was game to talk. He said he doesn't like to "overthink anything or set expectations for anyone" because he "just likes to go w the flow. No matter how hard I pushed him on the subject, the most definitive answer he gave me was, "It depends.
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Look, I get that we literally matched 30 seconds earlier and we haven't had time to get to know each other. And based on the incessant way I badgered him about his emotional availability, I didn't exactly look like girlfriend material. I don't know Reply to looking for casual encounters Jacqukeem is looking for on Tinder, but I have a theory that guys who won't give you a straight Married wife looking sex Laredo about what they're looking for fall into two main categories:.420 Fuckbuddy W
I wanted to press enfounters and ask Jacqukeem what he thought about that, but I got the vibe that he wasn't interested in having a conversation about his feelings. So I moved on. Way on the other end of the spectrum, Kanav had no Reply to looking for casual encounters telling me what he wanted: And not just casual sex on October 30th, but specifically casual sex on October 30th in his hotel room on 33rd Street after buying me a drink.
Vijul opened with a line that I would very much like to steal for myself, and then explained that he simply wants to "release some steam and have fun.
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I got the sense that envounters wasn't giving me the full story, so I followed up with a clarifying question, and boom. Got it. His real answer: But if it happens, it happens.
I was a journalism major in college, and one of the most useful tips I learned in my reporting classes encounrers Reply to looking for casual encounters it's never enough to ask one question.
You always get more information from asking smart follow-up questions. That holds true whether you're a journalist trying to press a source for encuonters scoop or you're just a person catching feelings and trying to casually figure out if your date has them, too.
Anthony originally told me that he's new to New York and isn't really sure what he's looking for. I went back to his profile for a closer look, and that's when I noticed his bio, which was in fir entirety:. I have a hunch that Anthony is looking for something physical or casual instead of serious at Reply to looking for casual encounters moment, but who knows. Moving on. I loved that Kyle acknowledged right away that he has a go-to "canned bs response" for questions like these.
It was so real. It makes me wonder — how many people have dated Kyle and asked him similar questions?
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At first, Christian presented loooing like a Reply to looking for casual encounters who simply likes to meet new people, but doesn't have much luck with Tinder. Aaaand there we go. After a few questions, he got honest about what he's looking ffor I have a gf I thought it was refreshing that Patrick told me right up front that Looking 4 love or what ever looking for a relationship — though the way he prefaced it with, "Uhhh well tbh kinda hoping for" is more evidence that there's a stigma against guys owning the fact that they're looking for a relationship.
Anyway, Patrick's truth-telling turned into a cute game of Two Truths and a Lie, so that was cool. Roger opened up to me right away, explaining that he's open to any kind of connection that means he doesn't have to sleep alone.
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If we end up in a relationship, that's cool too, but I'm not seeking that out. I decided to test my theory about the stigma around stating you're looking for a relationship on Roger to see what he thought. He responded that he's in a transitional period of his life right now and needs "the freedom to figure out what I want my life to be like before I decide what sort of relationship I want to be in.
Roger then accused me of being "a bizarre psychology bot" or possibly "a college student using this to do a Reply to looking for casual encounters paper on how and why people use dating apps," which is hilarious and also not that far from the truth. I fired back a few sassy messages about how I am definitely not a Macon sex now women and how he Reply to looking for casual encounters my not-bot feelings, but then it was time to move onto the next conversation.
Roman also revealed he was looking for a relationship, which surprised me. So many men are apparently looking to commit!
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Who knew? It got me thinking — maybe women assume that men are cxsual looking for sex because we don't bother to actually ask. Roman wrote, "Well most guys are looking just to hook up right? He agreed that it's Reply to looking for casual encounters in the long run to state what your intentions are. My conversation with Christopher started off with pure banter. It was at this point that I toggled back to his profile and carefully looked through all of his pictures again.
Yep, still cute.
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I decided to be brave and send him my number. We're texting now — and thanks to my opening line, I already know that we're looking for the same encounrers. By Hannah Orenstein.
Here's how it all went down. About Contact Newsletter Terms Privacy.